weak one.

So, I could have - and I believe me I did - do all the day dreaming in the world but none of it was of any help.

Fresh off the plane I scanned the awaiting crowd for a familiar face, just quickly, then made my way to the train. It's not like I was expecting anyone, it just would have been nice. You know, to be swept off my feet, just like in the movies.

Fresh off the train, phone in hand, I'm informed that I don't - in fact - have a place to stay, or a job, or the money that is owed to me.

I sat there. Deflated. Cold. Without a clue. Had I packed the backpack instead of the suitcase, I would have just caught the next train to anywhere. But suitcases are so uncool.

So, off to the pub I went.

Beers for breakfast, shoes for lunch, a sparkley top for tea and good company to boot. I had made it through the first day without killing anyone, or myself. Perhaps things would work out.

And then it was Valentines Day. I totally played it down. That is after all what all the cool chicks do. We had dinner reservations and it took me forever to get ready. But I looked good. And when I saw the ManHunk for the first time since arriving, I felt good. I laughed and laughed and fell asleep in his arms laughing. Now that is what a knight in shining armour should strive to achieve. A whole heap of laughter. Yep, all the way to the point of exhaustion.

Then two days later came the big question. He tried to play it down, being the international playboy he is and all.

Hunk: "so, you want to be my bird?"

ahhh, such a way with words.

I thought about it. Freaked out about it. And then realised that he was looking slightly uneasy, maybe at the silence, or maybe because he needed to pee, either way I felt like I was put on the spot.

Me: "I don't know, I'm not keen on limiting my options"
Hunk: "oh I think you misunderstood, I meant be one of my birds?"

Blah to him.

He scares me. A man with a great career that he enjoys. A man who is stable? A man who, well, most women would love to have an opportunity to be with, and I, I feel inadequate?

What has the world come to?

I'll have to work on not letting on about the lack of confidence. All I need is....a job.